Twenty, twenty, twenty. The word tastes weird in my mouth. A bit like that gulp of saltwater in the ocean that you’re never prepared for. Like a seismic eruption about to shake you uncomfortably. The word thunders all around me. In a hall, the earthquake rocks doors open and close. This is how twenty feels to me. So many new opportunities, and so many tied ends.
Tomorrow I turn 20 and I don’t know if I’ll be ready. There are so many things I am thankful for this past year. Lessons learned, friendships made, roads driven. But most importantly, this past year taught me not to expect anything.
It was so funny. Every time something good would happen in my life: a new friend made, a job opportunity opened, etc., I went on endless tangents of expectations. Time and time again these ideas would all crash with a complete disappointment.
So, with the new year and with a new age, I’ve resolved to take life as it comes. It’s refreshing, honestly. Twenty is the year I start voicing my own opinions. It’s the year I wait for no one and take those road trips I’ve been wanting to go on. It’s the year I settle my business with God. It’s the year I prepare myself for the fantastic adventure of love (if it comes God-willing). But, ultimately, it’s the year I embrace my eccentricities, my creativity, my musicality, my education, and my passions.
I am so so so excited. I feel the blessings all around me. Even thinking about the ability to live another day and make one more person smile or feel loved puts a smile on my face. I utterly hope I can do this in the coming year. A resolution of my is to be more compassionate. For years, I’ve hid my true feelings. This year, I plan to turn that around and embrace love, sadness, pain, and joy through heightened communication with others and through my writing. I’ve finally gotten an idea, and it’s occupied much of my mind in the past few months. So, here it goes.
Ultimately, I know I am loved by the Savior. And he gives us the grace and mercy for new beginnings. Januarys. They’ve always been my favorite. And, thankful I can live another January. It’s a blessing from above, and I think of Ecclesiastes 3, where the author writes:
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
With that, I wish you all a happy happy new year!